June Jollies: My Past Haunts Me

Let’s set the scene: senior year of college, final literary class. The type of class made for graduate students — no longer desks, no, you’re sitting around a damn table, staring at your classmates. In theory, this should be conducive for better discussions. For an introvert who doodled as she listened, it was definitely a certain level of Hell. (It’s been so long ago, I may actually be thinking of a different lit class that I did not end up taking.)

Either way, this women’s literature class that I’m remembering had an awesome professor. She was engaging and fun. I think she’s now the Head of the Lit Department. She was also encouraging, but it fell on semi-deaf ears because, well, I was me and had always been me. I wasn’t a me-waiting-to-bloom at the right moment. I was a fully evolved-unevolved participant in a forced-on-me lit class I needed to graduate.

I never spoke up in class unless she forced me to speak. On my final paper, she graded me well, wished I had integrated the information in the paper better, but also wished I had a)spoken up in class more and/or b)wished to have spoken up more.

It was a surprising comment. It made me feel like she thought I had kept my thoughts to myself, almost out of spite.

I had zero interest in speaking up because I didn’t have anything to contribute! I listened, and let things swirl around in my brain. I’ve also never been one to think of something witty after the moment has passed, wishing I could contribute something later, either. Just to be clear.

But now I get to the point — when I *did* speak in class, people would generally laugh. Why? I used funny, simple language. I brought these crazy, prim and proper 17th century characters down a notch to a very modern, very realistic level. If the female was a diva, I’d call her a dang diva.

My critique by this professor was always to “elevate my language”. With hand gestures. I think it made me laugh even more — albeit, sheepishly. But I couldn’t bring myself to elevate my language. I’ve never been one to use big words, to use this apparently well-revered elevated language. People have repeatedly told me that I write the way I speak. (At least in non-professional correspondences.) And I’m generally low key.

Yet perhaps, to my English professor and, perhaps, to these poor agents I’ve been querying for the past six months, my un-elevated language is ill-received for a reason. It’s not enough. It’s torture to their more refined ears.

I feel like my book query rejections are becoming an echo of my past: ELEVATE YOUR LANGUAGE. Violet, however, is in MY voice. This is the first book, or hell, maybe even story, that I have ever completed. I’m sure, at some point, I will write other stories that don’t sound like the way I speak. In fact, I started writing one a couple of months ago. I wouldn’t call the language elevated, but it’s definitely not like When Violet Got Bored.

Even so, I threw in a few more queries before May ended. There’s close to 50% who haven’t responded yet (or timed out). My nays are at about 50% as well. My husband laughed at me when he realized not only did I have a working spreadsheet with the queries (DUH. Even though Query Tracker keeps things organized for you, of course I’m going to use a spreadsheet.), but I’m also figuring out percentages with what’s going on with said queries.

With second grade being just about finished, a short trip to the nation’s capital planned ending with an ahhh night of fresh air on the Eastern Shore this upcoming week, I will return home refreshed and ready to draw some pictures for Phenix & Fox so it can be published by the end of July/beginning of August. I am beyond excited to make this dream a reality. After meeting a local children’s author, I have definitely been reignited to really care about this book again.

In other news, I created a Facebook page for the me that plans on being an author, so check it out, especially if Instagram isn’t your thing. (I’ve got them linked, so unless I make a mistake — which I already have — Instagram will automatically post to Facebook).

IT’S FINALLY SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That means YAY.)

 ❤️allison keli